Moderator: FranW


Postby PaulaO » 03 Jan 2013, 19:25

Author: Paula Offutt
Book Working Title: To Dream
Genre: Science Fiction
Word count: 144K+
Maximum turnaround time for reader feedback: Feb 28, 2013

I'm looking for the same thing as last time. "I am looking for someone to read it over and give me their opinion as to how it is, if it works, if it doesn't, etc. No grammar or punctuation unless something jumps up and slaps you." The main problem, though, is reading this one will totally ruin the first one for you. So if you want that one just to read and prepare, let me know.

The second problem is its size. Every time I tried to pare it down, it grew. So I'm looking for scenes to remove or story lines to drop, if any. I like it the way it is but I'm biased.

Sample Text: (596 words)

There's a parable of sorts about these two little boys. One is an optimist, the other is a pessimist. The little boys are shown two stalls in the barn, both stalls full of manure. The pessimist is disgusted but the optimist starts shoveling the manure. "Because underneath all this shit? There has to be a pony!"

Well, we certainly have been through enough shit that there ought to be a pony for all of us. The 'we' I mean is me and my friends: Julie, Gin, Chris, Frankie, and Helen. And Mona. Can't forget her.

This is Part Two of my journal. The others think I should write this as a way to track our history. Or, rather, our herstory. Part One started about, oh, I guess it has been just over a year now.


Really, if you haven't read Part One, you need to do that first. Else, you'll get all confused. Heck, I get confused and I'm the one typing the damn thing! You can find it in the System under [note to self: look up the location later]. Part One ended as I was recovering from having the top half of my skull removed. Yeah, you read that right. Some twisted sicko of a Malon thought it would be fun to do a dissection of me while I was still alive and conscious. Fun times were had by all.


Chapter 1

September 14, 2026

"Hey, time to get up," Julie said. For the fourth time.

"Don't want to," I mumbled into my pillow.

"Do you want me to send Frankie in here?"

That did it. I got up. Last time she sent Frankie in with the command to get me up, I got dumped on the floor. I shuffled my way into the bathroom and turned on the water for the shower. I tried to not go back to sleep while I waited the ten seconds or so it took for it to reach the right temp. As I stood under the spray, Frankie came into the bathroom.

I was nude and shampoo ran down my back and buttocks as I rinsed my hair. Our bathroom didn't have a shower curtain. It was this big, tiled room with three shower heads and three benches. Three toilets were separated from the rest by a half-wall about shoulder high. Technically, it was mine and Julie's bathroom but we all showered together so often, we had designed it to be big. We'd been through too much together to let a little thing like nudity bother us.

"What's up?" I asked her.

"You all right?"

"Yup. Just running slow this morning, as usual."

"You remember what day it is, right?"

I sighed. "I'm okay, Frankie, really. Don't be such a worry wart. Helen's not getting any bad vibes, is she?"

"Nope. All silent on that front. Although Mona threatened to sedate her if she didn't stop messing with her limiter.”

I finished my shower and Frankie handed me a towel. “She's nervous then.”

“More for security reasons I'm thinkin'. What clothes you wearing today?”

“I put them on the bed.” Julie called out from the bedroom.

I guess I should feel smothered with all this attention. I guess I should feel that they believe me to be incapable of even picking out my own clothes. Until about six months or so months ago, I wasn't quite able to. But I am getting better. I'd say I was 95% where I was before Luko had me kidnapped and then cut open my skull.
Take a deep breath and count to zen.
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